These Words given by My Parent That Helped Me as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was just just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the reality rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good place. You require assistance. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now better used to discussing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to open up among men, who still absorb damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a show of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to request a respite - taking a couple of days away, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I believe my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."